Friday, October 4, 2013

Sitting on a Beach in Maui, Obsessed with My Twitter Profile

We've been in Hawaii for almost 3 weeks now. Day 3 I was sitting on the Maui beach at sunset and all I could think about was Twitter! My mind was driving me absolutely bonkers! I came home that night and wrote this blog post — which I didn't publish right away because I felt too vulnerable at the time. I'm a little more removed now and ready to share....

[This post is accompanied by extra photos from Sophie's photo shoot because Sophie is one of my best friends and when I'm stressed about stupid stuff I talk to her and somehow everything gets better. I'm sure she could help me work through this ridiculous social media stress if she were here with me in Maui. lol]

"I sat on the beach tonight watching Miggy swimming (I mean crashing) in the waves. The sun was setting behind the rocks and the warmest glorious breeze brushed past my skin. I was trying to meditate but every couple minutes I had to open my eyes to check on Migs and make sure he hadn't been washed away to sea. I'm embarrassed to admit that despite being smack dab in the middle of this piece of paradise my brain was on hyper-speed.

All I could think about was my Twitter profile. How can I describe myself in 3 words? Should I change the background color on my blog? Should I redesign the header at the top of my blog? What should my Facebook profile say about me? God this is terrible. I feel so consumed by this need to define myself & pinpoint my brand so it represents me perfectly.

Despite the fact I'm on a tropical sabbatical, I'm still feeling that tightness in my chest when I think of what I want my Twitter profile to say — ridiculous, right? I mean, I could spend all day and night — literally — stressing and rearranging my online profiles. I promise though, I've been resisting, sitting on my hands, holding out, not giving in to this crazy temptation.

Such trivial things but somehow they seem to affect me so strongly. Why!!! It's so annoying. I wish I didn't care about it. I kind of dream of a "crazy" world where I don't have a Facebook account. It seems so peaceful in that alternative universe. I want to give into that world but I'm also afraid to leave the land of branding or loose my social media following that I've worked so hard to collect. I like knowing that people around the world are reading what I write on my blog. It feeds my ego, making me feel important, significance, noticed. It's scary to unplug and admit that I'm just another human in this big big world — one of 8 billion — and I'm unknown. I could easily disappear and 99.9999% of the world would carry on without blinking. Oh, why can't I just sit on the tropical beach free of all these worries? My photography brand and business has taken over my life — a parasite that I adore too much to get rid of.

I supposed that why I'm here in Hawaii - to figure out who/how I want to be, discovering my identity as a person, an artist and a writer. How I'm going to balance it all with everyday life and keep perspective on what's really important. Not an easy task but I'm crossing my fingers hoping that the Hawaiian air is going to help me out ;)"

Am I alone is this boat or is there someone else out there that can relate to my total craziness?

Do you ever stay up late thinking about your Twitter Profile? 
Do you simultaneously love and hate Facebook?
Do you daydream about what your company colors should be when you're supposed to be sleeping, listening attentively or having sex?
Do you crave praise, acknowledgement & affirmation from the world-wide-web (but feel like you should stop worrying about that and invest more time in your friends & family (people you actually know personally who make your life worthwhile)?
Please tell me I'm not alone on this one my friends.