I feel like I'm a non-glamorous woman who loves the idea of glamour. I love the pretty pages that I rip out of fashion magazines. I love the clean website designs of certain high-end photographers. I envy those women who ooze sexiness. It seems like they roll out of bed wearing leather pants, four inch heels, over-the-knee boots, golden bangles, and cat-inspired eye liner....oh and I did I mention their hair is perfect...and they smell good? How do they do it? I know I can dress myself like that if I really want to, but it certainly doesn't seem to come naturally to me. Most days it's a fight to get me into the shower.
We're all different, I get it. But I wouldn't even be talking about this if I knew for sure that I was different. If I woke up in the morning as a happy hippie in my baggie sweatshirt and yoga pants and knew without a doubt that that was me and that's how I wanted to dress without a doubt...that would be cool. But instead I seem to wake up and feel like wearing yoga pants or jean shorts and a tank top and not showering BUT also feeling like I could do better. Feeling like I should make a bigger effort.
It's like there's a little voice on one shoulder saying,
"Stop shopping in the 'cute' department and start dressing like the sexy woman you really are,"
and on the other shoulder there's a voice saying,
"But all that fashion is so superficial. At the end of the day what really matters is being natural, practicing yoga, gardening. Don't try so hard to be something you're not. You don't even like those girls that dress all fancy like that. Look at all of your best friends - they're wearing hiking boots. When was the last time you really 'clicked' with a 'glamourous girl'?"
and then the other voice replies with,
"But it's so pretty. And what's so bad about wearing a pretty top? You feel better about yourself when you dress up. Miggy finds you more attractive when you dress up. You can dress up without selling your soul to materialism. Plus you have to think about your brand. You are running a glamorous luxury photography business. You've got to look the part."
and then the other voice says,
"You don't have to dress like the other fashion & beauty photographers. Instead of fitting yourself into the mold of the fancy business you've created, why don't you change your business to represent who you 'really' are? Surely, there are other 'non-glamorous' women out there that will like you better when you're being yourself. What if your current 'image' is pushing away people that you would really get on well with? What if you're in the limbo between the glamorous & non glamorous worlds — neither side will fully accept you. I bet most "non-glamorous" women don't want their portraits taken by glamorous photographers because they can't relate to them. I bet if you stepped up as the 'non-glamorous photographer' you would attract all those women who want YOU to take their portraits because they'd feel comfortable with you. They'd like you and you'd like them because you're from the same tribe. Sounds a lot like what your friends Sophie & Amanda told you a few months ago, eh? Well, they're right!
and then the other voice says,
"But....but...I want to be a sexy glamorous photographer....."
and the other voice says
and the other voice says back,
"because....it's cool. I want to be like the cool photographers in the industry. The ones everyone else wants to be like. The ones that are really successful and fabulous. If I do something different, I don't know if people will like it."
and the other voice replies,
"Oh, the world is still like high school isn't it?"
After writing this blog post I found two pictures of myself. The first was a snapshot I took this morning. I was wearing flip flops, jeans shorts, an off-the-shoulder t-shirt (I feel so good in off-the-shoulder tops) and my long dry split-ended hair was just brushed out. I took this picture with my iPhone because I was feeling really beautiful. The second picture of me was taken by my dear friend Cheryl Ford at the beginning of 2013. We were taking 'About Me' pictures for our websites. I wanted a glam portrait that fit with my brand and showed clients that I valued & participated in the glamorous experience & portraits that I was selling. I did feel beautiful when Cheryl took my portrait but I remember it felt like a beauty that was painted on from the outside. I put the two images side by side this afternoon to make the first ever "Before & After" of myself. It's weird because I'm captivated by the gorgeous 'after' picture but it is a colder beauty and I'm drawn to the before picture because it makes me feel happy. What do you think?