Monday, November 19, 2012

I Miss My Climbing Partner

This morning I fell asleep on the couch before work and when a rather nasty creativeLIVE Technical Director {*cough*..Adam} thought it was funny to wake me up with a fright I burst into tears. Everyone was staring and probably feeling awkward {apologies team} so I wiped up the little drops of salty water and make some tea.

I've been spread too thin between creativeLIVE, my own photography business, and taking care of myself and my relationships. I'm frustrated that's it's taking me so long to reply to messages, edit photos, go to the post office,  and write blog posts. I'm disappointed that I don't have the energy to give 100% to every job on my to-do list and I don't have time to visit my grandma and eat popcorn and read books.

I've reached this point where I'm staring at the computer screen for 2 minutes in a mindless trance - the cogs in my brain spinning like the "wheel of death" on my Mac's screen. Spinning and spinning and waiting and waiting, wondering if it's frozen. Crashing.

I've been away from Miggy for over a month now. Up until now it's been easy-breezy. Sure, saying goodbye was tearful but since arriving in Seattle I've been so active I haven't had a moment to miss him. Sounds terrible but racing around at full-speed every waking hour {look at me writing all dramatic} has proven to be a phenomenal distraction.

I was "fine" — "who needs a husband?! I can get so much more done without him around!" I was feeling free as a bird to do as I please. Such sweet independence that I haven't tasted in over 5 years. But now... now that I'm shattered; now that I'm starting and ending my day in tired tears, my hot-headed independence has plummeted and I just want a hug from my husband. I want to rest my head into that soft spot on his shoulder and fall asleep.

When we were getting married, I had this image in my head of two rock climbers working their way up the massive rock face in Squamish, British Columbia. Meters apart, they each had to climb the mountain on their own, but they were joined by a rope, linked together on a common mission, headed in the same direction, with a shared promise to help each other up to the top.

They chose to climb together not in hopes of a bubbly conversation en route but because they knew that the journey would be treturous and they would need a partner to whom they could entrust their life; a partner who would fight with every ounce of their power to rescue them the trials they would face; and of course, a partner who would give them a really good kiss & cuddle when they reached the top ;)

Miggy is my climbing partner. I've hauled him out of frozen crevasses and he's pushed me up and over intimidating overhangs. Today, my fingers are sore and my arms are tired and I just want my climbing buddy by my side so I can let go for just a minute and hang.