Thank You to My Readers Who Are Strangers!

When I write here on my blog, I'm think of my grandma who will read my post first thing in the morning. I think of Miggy and Cheryl who have me in their feeds and my dad who will check in every couple weeks. I have hundreds of pageviews each day so I know there are other people out there reading this but I usually just tell myself its all my friends and high school acquaintances stalking me on Facebook. It's hard to believe that some of you reading this are strangers...technically, although if you read this regularly then you know pretty much everything about me so we can throw that 'stranger' stuff out the window. 

I follow some blogs and feel like I'm best friends with those people who have no idea I exist. What a strange world we're living in with one-sided relationships buzzing through the atmosphere. But every now and again I get a comment, message or email from one of you 'strangers' out there that makes me realize (and it kind of blows my mind) that for once, I'm on the other side of the table — known by strangers around the world. It's crazy but I like it. I use my blog like a personal diary most of the time and the fact that it somehow becomes entertainment and inspiration for other people is FULLY AWESOME. I love hearing from you. Thank you so much for reaching out to me - it means we can start enjoying two-way relationships :D

Thank you so much Lindsey for your email! :)

My Chaotic Horoscope for Today (Written By Me)

The moons of your life are aligning in chaos this month forcing you to face your deepest emotions and sort through your problems. You will face exhausting dilemmas and be presented with risky and rewarding opportunities that promise future happiness and you will have to make difficult decisions that will change the course of your entire life. Your passions & business are about to see a new beginning and choose new paths, face your fears, stop worrying about what others will think and lay aside your proud ego so you can make authentic choices and live happily ever after.

I bet you $20 that's what the newspaper horoscopes would say about Sagittarius today. I've never written my own horoscope before today (ha!) but I started wondering last night if there was something funky happening up there in the universe because I feel like my life is being smashed against the rocks by powerful benevolent ocean waves — knocking some sense into me. Maybe it's just this juice cleanse doing its detoxing magic on my mental-emotional liver?

So many conversations and afternoons lying beneath trees have peeled back layers of my onion-like life leaving me with a whole new awareness of:

• food and body image (finally breaking out of a cycle of yo-yo diets and self-hate in the mirror)
• my priorities and how to prioritize them daily (this work-life balance is soo insanely hard!!)
• the reasons behind my weirdest behaviours and reactions (I'm much crazier and messed up than I thought) - I'm finally understanding why I resist things like playing with children or making my bed or taking daily showers
• the relationships in my life that are helping/hurting & how I can control my side of relationships
• the style of my photography has gotten all muddled up and I have to figure out what kind of artwork I really want to create
• how I feel living in my parents house & working in this home photography studio space
• the simplest things that are bringing me so much joy - working every morning in the garden growing vegetables (my first zucchini appeared yesterday!!)
• the way I feel lonely and how I can make friends - it's hard to make new friends as an adult out here in the big world!
• the deepest resentments and fears left over from my childhood - I thought everything surrounding my childhood and family was perfect but now I'm seeing where the cracks and scars are and it's really hard to let go of my utopian story so I can accept reality and function better
• the fears everyone else is feeling
• how I'm relating 40 yr old women more easily than most 20 yr olds right now - getting married & running a business has made me grow up a little - what happened to Never Never Land?
• what life is really about & what makes people happy - big messy confusing question lol

Does this all come with the territory of being 24 years old and pushing yourself to "rock bottom burn out" by saying 'yes' to too many projects? 

You tell me.

Photography Buddies — One Year In

One year ago this month I drove to Starbucks in Woodinville to meet a lady named Cheryl Ford. We met online on a photographer's forum (The b School) and we were both so excited to finally find another photographer that was actually willing to meet up and play nice. Before that day we were lonely photographers :( 

One year later, we're a duo with plans for world domination. We're building a power circle network of photographers. We co-host a hilarious podcast (thePhotoChicks). We shoot weddings together, behind the scenes for each other, pushing ourselves to the next level, always say "heck yes" to crazy ideas. We're basically on constant speed-dial and I wouldn't be where I am without this wonderful woman who has become my friend. 

I am soo grateful to have you in my life, Cheryl and I am sooooo excited to see where we go together! Keep it REAL & MAKE IT HAPPEN! Happy Birthday this week and Happy Friendship Anniversary this month! We seriously need more pictures together - selfies are the way forward. :)

Breaking Free of LABELS

Vegetarian. Vegan. St. Andrews Graduate. Christian. Non-Christian. Agnostic. Glamour Photographer. American. English. Pretty. Chubby. Un-athletic. Upper middle class. Ballerina. Food addict. Sue Bryce follower. creativeLIVE junkie. Morning person. Selfish. Yogini. Eclectic. Positive. Winner. Leader. Hippie. Unpopular. The girl that never gets asked out. Advocate & Sponsor for Charities. Prude? Ethical. Eco-friendly. Hater of bathing. Lover of snacks. Non-skinny-dipper. Good girl. The list goes on....

All the words I've chosen throughout my life to describe who I am. I think I feel such a great need to be heard by other people & to be understood. It's really important to me to be understood. I think this is why I enjoy blogging and sharing so much of myself. Hoping that someone out there will sympathize and know where I'm coming from. It's a desire to not be alone. It's scary to be in the world naked...without a label to hide behind.

I want to step away from some of my labels because I've grown into them so tightly that I resist anything that would take me away from them. Yesterday, my friend Heather said that anywhere in your life where you find resistance, that's where you should look to find some issues and something that's not quite right, something that needs to be sorted out. 

A big one for me is my diet... I'm so engrained as a vegetarian and the idea of branching out to even take a bite of fish is really disturbing for me. It doesn't feel like a choice anymore. I feel more trapped by it. Like I'm not free to choose anymore. I fear the consequences of mixing it up and I fear 'going down a slippery slope' to a place I don't think I want to end up. 

I think the solution is probably to just jump in the deep end and force myself to take a bite of fish. Maybe that one act will break a nasty cycle of rigidity.

Anyway, I have lots of labels and I'm trying to peel some off. 

PS: We picked BUCKETS of raspberries down in the valley so we're making jam this week!
PPS: Ironic that I have to 'label' this post.